www.Say it as I feel it.blogspot.com

Our relaxed Friday evening gait was obvious when we walked in; the flurry of the working day visibly missing. A few familiar faces welcomed us, inquiring why we had not been visiting since a while. There was the comfort of familiarity but a strange ‘not right’ feel in the air. We visit here often, the daughter and me. She ordered a smoothie while we waited for our takeaway, a grilled chicken sandwich for me and pasta for her. There was nothing complicated in the order.  I found myself inquiring to confirm that they had got the order right. The guy who took the order walked up to me quietly and whispered, ‘’Ma’m, there is a system error for beverages so I have not billed it.’’  I insist on a handwritten addendum to the bill. With food in hand, a hungry stomach and a happy heart we head home. In five minutes we are opening our door. Just as we get down to plating the food, I am in for a shock.  It is an egg sandwich with exactly two pint-sized chicken pieces in the last layer. I lo

It is the first day of the month.  It means much.  End of tribulations with an anticipation of a new beginning for some, extended joy from the previous month for others, a change for most and just another day for a few! The morning saw us counting money even as the daughter was busily trying to be ready on time for school.  Courtesy demonetisation, the money that comes home now is more in lots of 20s or 100s. The cook complains that someone gave her a crisp 2k note which has been lying in a pouch tied in a kerchief and tucked behind clothes in her trunk since some days. She has been unable to get change for it. So she chooses the option of notes of 20 at our place to make her everyday buys easier.  I get two bunches out and start counting. Half-way through, the husband says something to distract me and then I get back to start. Then the daughter needs help with hair so I get back again. I am not refuting charges of low concentration. I do realize how bad I am with numbers and more

Last evening, the daughter had gone for a party. The husband was still at work. I was browsing through my messages when I realized that I had missed wishing a dear friend on her anniversary. That would not end our friendship, I was sure, but I texted right away.  I am still unsure of her work timings as she hops between two places in London everyday. Our calls are usually on weekends.  But this was mid-week. We had a great day, her message whistled.  In a second, I found myself smiling involuntarily as her name flashed on my screen. How are you, I asked after the madness of our laughter subsided. Okay! She replied. She is one of those few friends whom I can connect with even after days or months of being out of touch. Her 'okay' makes my antennae go on high alert.  In 15 years I must have seen her worry or brood over anything hardly twice or thrice. Life has not always been smooth and happy for her either, but she is the happy bird spreading cheer.  The joke at our home is t

My ‘fumbling’ feet finally slip comfortably into the warm slippers and then lead me to the kitchen. The eyes struggle to stay open. The right hand is more skilled in my case, so it picks a cup. Even with droopy eyes I make sure I choose and not randomly pick! It is filled with water, microwave switched on. The warmth of the ceramic soothes the morning hands. It then makes its way to the study table in her highness’ room.  To be followed by the next task - of waking her up.  If you think I ‘force’ my child to wake up so early on a winter morning, all I can do is plead ‘not guilty’! She is her own boss most of the times, except for when and what she eats and how long she is glued to her ipad. I grab my right as a parent there!!   I can hear her whimper. I wish I could just walk away and let her sleep blissfully while I did too. I decide to give her five more minutes. She is even cozier now with the blanket wrapped neatly. Do you need to wake up, I ask? Yes, she says softly, but shows

I am at the electricity office to pay the month’s bill and she’s with me. We wait patiently for the queue is long, just like the ATM queues we see and hear about nowadays! It is adjacent to our apartment complex.  I am just two people away from the counter.  A glance at the dusty clock up there gives me a jolt and I shout out, ‘’run along and get ready, it’s almost 9.’’  I see her backside as she hops away, pigtails prancing with her and a bag like the one I carried in my school days, on her shoulders. She is oblivious of everything around, including my screams, ‘’don’t forget, your uniform needs to be ironed!’’ I then hand over the bill, which strangely is a two-sheet printout, to the middle aged man behind the table. He looks at it and looks up at me. He then steps out from behind the rusted table and asks, where do you stay. I mumble something as he walks towards the door of the room, me walking along with him. He then steps out to an empty space and pushes the door of a small r

My heart beats As wild as yours In silence we speak The symphony is loud A fleeting moment  Becomes forever We frame memories And live dreams The days go by Now it is years Nothing changes Not you, not me The love we feel Is still as deep We helplessly sigh  And endlessly cry The distress and desire Trigger the pain   I wish I knew Someone else loved me too I see you   I hear you  I love you I wish I knew  Why  d eath chose me

Trying to teach a four-and-a- half-year- old all that is expected of him to learn at his school in this age and time.  I have no set rules and methods of teaching.  My only qualification is the experience of bringing up the daughter who is now 12. So with a memory dating back to that many years, I can’t help but compare my abilities then and now. I feel a clear difference in everything - my approach, the kid’s response, my patience and the kid’s.  Is it easier? No, it just makes me more nervous this time around. I could experiment in the daughter’s case, I could expect her to listen to me, I could even throw a tantrum when pushed to the wall!! But now, all this does not seem to be an option at all.  :D Try teaching another’s child, especially when you are not a trained teacher!! Patience and tolerance! Did the daughter ever get to see these in me? I feel guilty even trying to remember.  So I ask her what she remembers of her years then. Thankfully, nothing that could make me f

Oct 10, 2011. Jagjit Singh left us. Benaam sa yeh dard  thahar kyon nahi jaata guzar kyon nahi jaata benaam sa yeh ... maine dil se kahaa, ai deevaane bataa jab se koi milaa, tu hai khoyaa huaa ye kahaani hai kyaa,  khushiyon ki aankh mein, baarishein bhar gayi log aapno se bhi bekhabar ho gaye, khushbooyein chooni thi, shauk mein kho gaye paake jugnu zaara roshni ke liye.... dil tarasta hai aab zindagi ke liye jo beet gaya hai vo Never did I anticipate the magnitude of the loss for me. I knew I loved his voice. I knew that enchanting voice soothed my soul with the poignant lyrics, but I was unprepared for the deep melancholy that has crept into my heart since his demise. Like for a million other fans, he has played a strong role in my life by helping me understand all those emotions better and coping with them. He is that one person who has consistently stood by me even in my solitude as I matured with each passing year of my life. It has been a